Monday, 9 June 2014

Taboos Everyday People Want in Their Sex Lives

It's a huge pleasure to have one of the Brit Babes' very fave people over today. We'd like to welcome relationship mentor and all around fab person, Chris Unity Bowness!

"One person's taboo is another person's foreplay," my partner fantastically came out with one Saturday morning, and it put a new perspective on a subject I'd been thinking about for a while. Are certain sex acts taboo in their very nature so we don't talk about them, or is the fact we very rarely talk about such sex acts the reason that they are considered a taboo. What is a taboo, why are certain things a taboo and how do taboos exist?

The reason I'd been thinking about just this subject is because I'm a sex geek and, whether it's through Kate McCombs puts it a Beacon of permission.
my personal life or mentoring clients in sex and relationships, I love learning about what turns people on and what gets them off. I like to put myself up as the first line of communication for people to share their sex lives with whether it be triumphs or tribulations or as

Through all my conversations I've noticed many themes popping up on a regular basis and with a frequency that shows me that beyond our penetrative - penis in vagina - centric society there are a whole host of delicious sex acts people are getting off to on a regular basis. Through these conversations, society’s ideologies and norms are often brought up at the start. Sometimes people share their ideas to talk themselves out of getting what they want. From these conversations it's clear that society and, how people are worried they'll be perceived by society, plays a big part in how we enjoy our sex lives.

On a weekly basis I spend time with everyday people, who worry about how other everyday people will look at them if they enjoy the rich smorgasbord of sex acts they want to get out of their heads and onto their plates. What I've found is that everyday people like you and me want the same things, have the same urges, have the same spectrum of fantasies and pleasures we all want to experience.

The second theme that runs through these conversations is communication and the fact that people feel they can't even discuss sex, let alone their darkest pleasures, with their partner or even friends. Furthermore, the negative impact mainstream media has on sex leads people to become more withdrawn about their fantasies by reinforcing the idea that sex is bad.

I reassure people through my mentoring that the things they are trying to suppress but are longing to experience are the same things everyday people want. I also reassure people that once they let the light in and embrace it their lives will be greatly enriched with not only a new acceptance of themselves but also a whole new world of pleasure.

I believe communication is the key. We need to talk about these fantasies and desires and making them a normal part of pleasure and sex, beyond the penetrative. Presenting the rich spectrum of pleasures is a way to start the conversation. With that in mind I thought I would present you with 5 sex acts that commonly come up in discussions with people, in no particular order.

1. Sex toys in a relationship

This subject comes up in various ways. Sex toys play an important role in many women's lives. One of the most common situations is that women, who have been quite comfortable using sex toys to explore and pleasure themselves while they’re single, worry about a number of things when they get into relationships. They worry about giving up their toys, they worry about how they'll be perceived by a partner for using them, and they worry about introducing them into their relationship for the first time.

My advice is that if sex toys are a part of your sex life, be honest with your partner from the beginning. If a recent report is to be believed you may even find he has a collection of his own. As for introducing them, articles like this are great for introducing the conversation for the first time.

2. Your Inner Porn Star

Let's face it, porn gets a bad rep for many reasons, but there are many people in relationships who enjoy watching porn together. After the tricky introduction of porn into a relationship often comes the experimentation stage and, even though everyday people are intelligent enough to acknowledge that this is the world of fantasy, as long as it’s done in a safe respectful way, there is still enough reality in which to squeeze a bit of porn star sex into their lives, whether it's a change of scenery, a change of roles, a different position or something more hard-core. If you're looking for something that promotes hot fantastic sex of everyday people then take a look over at

3. Bottoms Up

It could be easy to say that these next two taboos are influenced by porn and, while some people have brought up anal sex because of porn, there are just as many people who have brought up the subject because of other reasons.

Contrary to societies ideas about the subject, in my experience, it's often women who are looking for ways of introducing anal sex into a relationship and ways to start the conversation - either for themselves or a male partner. What I've also noticed is that in general women have a better understanding of exploration and experimentation of how pleasure can be gained from their whole bodies. The truth is that women and men can experience pleasure and even orgasm through anal stimulation.

Anal pleasure is not something that can be rushed into. It takes time for people to warm up to, and when it comes to toys, a wide base is a must for safety sake.

4. Water Sports

When it comes to sex it seem we are all obsessed with swapping bodily fluids. Even very early on in a relationship, that first deep kiss involves the intimate transfer of saliva, as if it's a euphemism for what's to come. People love bodily fluids, from saliva to ejaculation – both male and female, and sharing them is part of the pleasure of sex. The urge to pee on each other can be an extension of this intimacy, sometimes through accidental peeing by women during sex, sometimes through fascination of watching a partner pee and even through the myth of pee curing a host of skin complaints -- especially stings of the aquatic kind.

5. Open Up

This list is in no particular order but open relationships is by far the hottest topic of conversation I’ve come across. Does this make it the biggest taboo or the biggest thing people want but are too scared to talk about?

In reality marriage and the instilled monogamy that comes along with it are actually very new on the relationship evolutionary scale, and so it only seems natural, with the increase in relationship breakdowns and divorce rates, that people are starting to look at what they want in a relationship rather than having it defined by society.

Some people are searching for a new way to define their relationships, while others are consciously withdrawing from seeking relationships as their views on what they would like don't fall within societies norms.


I hope this list goes a little way to breaking the cycle of taboos by showing that there is a whole
gamut of things people are looking for in relationships which more often than not go beyond what we consider societal norms. I also hope this article may start a conversation -- with yourself or with a partner, allowing you to explore, without fear, what you want in your relationship.

You can find more conversation-starting subjects and articles on my site - portal to permission.

You can also find a host of other topics on my pinterest boards


  1. Chris - Thank you so much for being such a wonderful and insightful guest, it's so great to have you here and I hope you'll stop by again with more of your thoughts.

    Lily x

  2. Fantastic blog Mister SexGeek! Love that. Great to open up debate and get people talking about what they like, desire with their partners or themselves. Thanks for this x x

  3. Great to have you here, Chris!

  4. I <3 this and defo checking our your pinterest! :)

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